The Haircut

A couple weeks ago I decided it was finally time to have my hair trimmed.  I mean, it's only been a YEAR since my last one....(I need to get my life together).  Anyways, my sweet friend, Christine, offered to do it for me but life got in the way of that appointment.  So I had to make one with the salon on base.  I thought to myself "How bad can someone f**k up a trimming?"

(sigh)

Let's start with my arrival.  I walked in at 9:00AM to find every employee pissed off because 2 people had called in sick.  That's understandable because that's two people who have appointments all day and now those appointments all need to be canceled or shifted around.  The woman I had my appointment with was not sick....yet the woman up front still rolled her eyes and sighed like I was such an inconvenience when I checked in.  I know - how DARE I show up on time for an appointment I made days ago!

I will keep names out of this post so let's just call my lady "B."  B walks over, calls my name and walks away.  I had to peek around corners to find out she went to the sink where I was apparently supposed to be.  The conversation went a little something like:

Me: "Oh!  I didn't see where you went."
B: "Yes.  Sit down." (she's German, btw)
Me: "Well is there somewhere I can put my coat and purse."
B: "Just put it beside you."
Me: "Mmmkay...please don't get it wet.  Seriously.  Don't get it wet."

She proceeded to wash my hair and I hear the conversation between her and the woman up front.  Discussing how to work the rest of the appointments.

Desk Lady: "well we can always squeeze someone in between her and your next appointment."
B: "I guess. I don't know."
Desk Lady: "How long will her haircut take?  15 minutes?  Can you hurry?"
B: "I don't know."
Me: "Please don't cut my hair if you're going to rush through it.  I'm serious.  I'll come back some other day if I need to but please don't hurry through this."
B: "No no, don't worry.  I'll take my time."

Well after making sure to get water all down my face, the hair washing was over and it was time to cut.  B just walked away again.  So I just assumed I needed to get my things and hunt her down.  Her tip was quickly going out the window.  I didn't know which chair to sit in so I sat in the one she was standing by.  This was a mistake.  She made sure to inform me of this mistake:

B: "NEIN...here, move over there"
Me: "Oh, you're right, I should have known that."  (I don't think she picked up on the sarcasm)

She went right to parting my hair down the middle and grabbed some scissors like she was just ready to go to town on my mane!  I put my hand up and said "Ummm, don't you want to know what I want first?  Also, I part my hair on the right soooo none of this...."  She says "Oh, yes, I'm sorry!  What are we doing today?" and she laughed nervously.  I said "Ohhhh, I think just a small trim will do."  We got through the rest of the hair cutting without any issues.

The drying of the hair was awful.  She grabbed a crap load of round brushes with the really fine stiff bristles.  I thought "Okay...that's weird."  B starts rolling my hair in one of them with the blow dryer going....still normal.  She then left the brush in my hair.  I thought she just needed to grab something.  NOPE!  She starts rolling another into my hair.  Then another.  And another.  Like they're hot rollers.  At one point I LITERALLY had SEVEN full size hairbrushes in my freaking hair.  My head felt like it weighed 20 extra pounds.  I stopped her when I saw her grabbing another one and said "Hey...this is reeeeaaaaally uncomfortable and it's breaking my hair.  Can you just take these out?  I don't need my hair curled anyways, I'm going to the gym after this."  She unrolled them but then started to do it again on the other side of my head.  I thought "okay, well I guess I don't want one side curly and the other side just flat so I'll let her finish."

Such a mistake.

B was trying to roll one on top of my head and the top of my head is not flat.  It's round.  So of course the brush would not stay put.  TWICE I said "it's not going to stay.  Can you please take it out?"  "Please take the brushes out of my hair."  Then the brush rolled off my head and the wooden handle cracked me hard on the nose.  I stood up, PISSED - took the cover off of me - unrolled my own hair while saying "Nope.  We're done.  I've had enough of this." - grabbed my stuff - paid - had some choice words - left.

Never going back.  Ever.